I’ve always wanted an open concept home. With big beautiful windows surrounded by nature so I would never need curtains.
Currently we are remodeling our 100 year old farmhouse. We’ve knocked down all of the walls allowed. In a great attempt to open things up as much as structurally able.
A few weeks back among all the chaos from our remodel, Zach and I got into one of those wonderful marital arrangements. When this happens I have this swell quality of completely shutting down and building up walls that make me unapproachable.
This is basically my way of processing and then moving forward when ready. Is it ideal? NO! but hey, I’m human. I’m full aware that communication is key to a successful relationship so I do always end up coming around and discussing matters (something that’s really hard for me) but I want us to be a happily married so I power through, with the help of God of course.
Fast forward we are now about 7 days in and I’m still hiding behind my “walls”. I don’t ignore Zach but I definitely do not show the poor guy any sort of affection.
Instead of getting frustrated with me (or at least he doesn’t show it) he sends me the sweetest text in the middle of his work day.
He wrote: I’m going to knock ✊ your wall down like I have in our home. Then I’m going to polish you up removing every sign that there was even a wall there. I’m going to fix you like I’m fixing our home. I’m choosing to do this because I love what’s behind the wall and I want a open concept…..
Well ok, tears are now rolling down my face. This coming from a guy who does NOT speak in analogy so I knew it was God working through him.
We talked through our problem that evening and I felt SO much better. It’s amazing how quickly one little argument can make us revert back to old ways if we are not being intentional with how we handle it. I’m so thankful that God was there and gave Zach the perfect words to write to me. My smile returned and I was no longer hiding what I was going through. It was so freeing.
Are you a wall builder like me? Here’s what I suggest.
1. Figure out what’s triggering you to build up these walls, through prayer and alot of self examination I discovered what triggers this defense mechanism in me and it has equipped me to better respond when my heart starts pulling out the brick and mortar.
2. Find someone you trust and let it out. Holding all that gunk inside is not good for anyone. Or if talking to someone makes you feel to uneasy, write it down in a journal. The point is to release everything that’s building up behind your walls.
3. Never ever be ashamed to seek out professional help. Counseling has helped me in so many ways.
4. Last but definitely the most important! Bring your troubles to God. He’s the BEST one you can talk too. And you can literally lay it all out with Him. He’ll cast no judgment, he’ll only listen and show you love while guiding your heart. You can rest in Him knowing He’s taking care of all your troubles.
I promise life is so much more relaxing, enjoyable and freeing when you stop hiding behind your walls. So come on out Sista, I promise you’ll find joy out here if you put your trust in the One who created heaven and earth!