Finding My Confidence

The past week I have been in a bit of a funk. Zach was called out on storm and when that happens it could be days or even weeks before he gets to return home. This leaves ALL of the at home responsibilities up to me. I was feeling overwhelmed, insecure, sad, frustrated, anxious and on top of all that I forgot to bring the trash down for the second week in a row…. I was basically feeling all of the ick feelings.

I made a promise to myself at the beginning of the year that I was going to blog at least every other week. I feel a strong calling to share my journey in hopes that I can reach someone who may be feeling the same. However to be completely real with you; I don’t blog when I’m going through a difficult season. Why? because I was believing a lie. I felt that if my life wasnt going “perfectly” in that moment that I had no right to share the word of God.

As this past week went on I still continued my daily bible study, but I just wasnt feeling the strong connection like I wanted. I was frustrated and on edge about everything. I was reading along trying to find something, anything to bring me out of this funk and all I kept finding was passages about being circumcised and uncircumcised. I’m sorry God but reading about whether or not Abraham had foreskin was not bringing me any comfort. But I kept on with my studies because of verses like Proverbs 8:17

“I love those who love me, and those who SEEK me diligently find me”

So I kept on seeking the Lord and like he promises I found him, reading along in Psalms today still feeling frustrated because I just wasn’t getting that warm fuzzy feeling I longed for, He found me.

I wasn’t sharing Gods word because I felt insecure with myself, I fell prey to anxiety, doubt and worry this week. But God showed me that the bible I was holding in my hands was wrote by sinners just like me, it holds stories of remarkable people who did extraordinary things. And, those people like me, had insecurities but God used them anyways. Why? because they listened to Gods promises didn’t let those insecurities stop them.

David didn’t give into his insecurities, he was a tiny little guy but he still went out there and defeated Goliath (Samuel 17). Noah didn’t care that the town thought he was totally crazy, nope he build the biggest baddest ark known today (Genesis 5). What about Daniel, did he let fear of turning into a lions dinner shake him? Heck no, he climbed into that den with confidants (Daniel 6).

So here I am, sharing even though I have insecurities and I’m still completely confused about the whole circumcised, uncircumcised thing. But, just like David, Noah, and Daniel I too have God on my side and he will never forsake me.

“Those who know your name will trust in you, for you Lord have never forsaken those who seek you” – Psalm 9:10

Find your confident in the Lord, do what you never thought possible. Start believing His promises to you. Why? Because we know that with God all things are possible (Philippians 4:13)

-xo Ashley

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