Mom guilt, is defined by google as a feeling of guilt, doubt, anxiousness or uncertainty experienced by a mother when they worry they’re failing or falling short of expectations in some way.
I’ve felt the looming mom guilt basically since the day I found out I was pregnant with my oldest. That is over 9 years of constantly feeling like I’m failing. 9 YEARS!!! That’s a L O N G time!!! The feeling seems to always linger, it was there when I made the decision to go back to school full-time, it was there when I worked outside the home, it was there when I decided to be a stay-at-home-mom, and it’s still here right now as I’m writing instead of cleaning my house.
And up until now I just thought guilt was something that came along with parenting, that it was expected and throwing the word “mom” in front of it justifies it and makes it the “normal”
Then a question popped into my head. I wonder if God ever felt guilty for sending his one and only begotten son into the world? (John 3:16) Now, I haven’t read the entire bible word for word
, however I can not think of one single time that I was reading along and it said God experienced “God guilt” that day. But I can recall reading verses like this…
” For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus” Romans 3:23-24
God didn’t feel guilty for sending Jesus here to die for you and me, in fact one of the many reasons why he did was so that we can be forgiven from the dreaded mom guilt. He certainly did not go through all that hard work so that I could sit down here feeling guilty for letting my kids dance to Tom Petty in the living room instead of gospel music or that I raised my voice at my daughter for having a messy room….again…..or that for my own sanity I quit pumping breast milk and gave my son formula and 8 months old.
What I should be feeling guilty about is letting these minor occurrences bring me down and steal my joy for the past 9 years or the fact that I’ve given friends who are new mom’s the poor advice that Mom guilt is normal and OK because it’s just a part of becoming a mom. Guess what Sister; it’s NOT OK; it’s a lie we tell ourselves because we live in a world that has taught us to take pride in what we accomplish and we feel ashamed to admit when we fall short of being the mom we “think” we need to be. Truth is that we are humans and we are going to mess up, we are going to make mistakes as mothers. And the only mom we should be worried about being like is the one that God created us to be. He blessed us with these children knowing that we had the love and skills it takes to raise them and you know why? Because He first loved us (John 4:19)
We are instructed throughout the bible to cast ALL our worries, fears, anxieties, doubts and mistakes on to Him and we will be forgiven. Holding onto this mom guilt day after day is totally defying everything I know to be true.
“Just so , I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need to repentance. Luke 15:7
What makes us so entitled and righteous as mothers that we think it OK to walk around with this constant guilt? I am a sinner because I am human. But, I will not continue to commit the same sin of holding onto this “mom guilt” another day. When I make a mistake as a parents I will recognise it for what it is, a mistake. I will correct the matter with whom I wronged as well as bring it before God and lay it down at his feet and ask for His forgiveness.
As a mother I have many things to tend too and harboring my own guilt will no longer be one of those tasks.