This post took me some time to write, I think it’s because it’s the area in my life I still lack so much confidence in….parenting, so here goes nothing!
It was the middle of November 2009 I had just turned 21 two weeks ago WHOOOOH! And I felt like crap, I was so sick. Hmmmm could I be pregnate? Naaaa. The debate went on in my head over a week and finally I decided to take a test. POSITIVE. Alrighty then….I was scared to death!! I lived off of Moutain Dew, Butterfingers and pizza. I stayed out late and worked two jobs. I had no idea how to be a mom! Leaving that doctor’s office I knew one thing and one thing only, I was going to do my best and love this baby unconditionally.
July 17th 2010 Rylee Grace came into the world. The doctor put this slimy goopy baby all covered in my insides in my arms and at that very moment I felt a love that I had no idea even exsited. At that moment time froze and my world changed forever.
I have a hard time finding the words to tell you how much I love my little girl. I have made so many mistakes in my life and the fact that God trusted me enough to bless with with such an amazing gift sure says a lot about what He thinks of me. He blessed me with this AMAZING child and I will do my best to raise her up to follow his path that he has made for her. I know it’s a beautiful one. I have had and I’m sure I will have many more struggles as a parent. I’m learning everyday. The one thing I do know is that I will raise my little girl to love Jesus and most importantly to understand how much Jesus love her.
As her mama I will also never let her stop dreaming. I will raise her to never give up. At my age I already have a big list of things I wish I’d done differently and I’m only 27 from this I’ve learned to raise Rylee to know from a young age that she can do whatever she puts her mind to with hard work and dedication. Just a few weeks ago she came to me and told me she wanted to train unicorns when she got older. I smiled and told her I’d help her find a unicorn training college when the time came. Now I know that a unicorn training college doesn’t exist, at least not yet 😉 but I wasn’t going to crush her spirit by telling her that. When she “invents tea” in the bath tub that makes people bark like a dog you bet I’m the first one to drink it and start barking. Or when she told Zach and I of her “business plans” to have us work for her at her veterinarian clinic when she grows up you bet we signed up for the job. I’ve had dreams and ideas crushed. I’ve had people tell me I wasn’t smart enough or that it would be to hard and the worst part about it was that I actually believed their lies. I know Rylee will be let down and disappointed at times in her life but, I refuse to be one of those people. I will continue to raise her up as long as I live. “ A lot of people are afraid to dream big because they don’t want to be disappointed, but I would rather take a chance on being disappointed occasionally than to live a disappointing life!” – Joyce Meyer
Rylee has a beautiful way of touching so many people’s lives whether it’s the cashier at Target or a random bypasser on the street she seems to always be putting a smile on people’s faces. I have been told more times that I can count that she is wise beyond her years. I have had days when I feel like the biggest failure and she’ll come to me and tell me “mama, you’re the best mama for me” and that’s all I need to hear to turn my day around.
I found out I was pregnant at a dark time in my life. I gave Rylee the middle name Grace not knowing that it would be her that would lead me to learning of God’s grace in my life. Each day I thank Him for His trusting me with this wonderful gift I call my daughter. I still struggle and become anxious at times when it comes to my parenting abilities but, then I remember this verse….
“God is with her she will not fail”-Psalm 46:5